im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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