Cold hands, warm shart.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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