So drunk, too bad you don't want this
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Randomize
