He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
