I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
