I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I'm jealous of your bromance
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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