textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
YAS. BRING CRAB.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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