yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
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