You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
