it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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