i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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