My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
where does the pee come out of this thing
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Ladies don't puke and tell
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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