remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
