oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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