I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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