I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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