he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
