i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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