Swine flu. Run for my life!
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
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