My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Randomize
