Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
