you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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