We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
It's like God shit irony all over that family
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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