I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
