So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
