That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Randomize
