So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
