I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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