Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
