There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
