You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
