He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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