but the lizard people decide everything anyway
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
