Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
