He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Randomize
