i wish starbucks made bloody marys
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
