Barsexuality is the new black.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
