so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
