We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Oh god it's open bar.
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