Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
