I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
