I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
