well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Still dying that you shit outside
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
