porn star boner night. come get it.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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