i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
