Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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