There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
