Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
NoShamevember. You game?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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