whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
