he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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