She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
