ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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