Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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