Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
We talked him into tasing himself.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
